I have a lot of dark secrets... that just live and eat me from the inside out.
So yea.. I came across this community.. read about it.. and figured that this might be a nice place to.. say the shit I haven't said.
I have friends.. but I'd never tell them the things I've done.. and the things that have been done to me.. for they couldn't handle it.. and I don't think they would care in the first place.
I like writing a lot.. so.. you'll probably see a lot of stories coming from me.. most of them will be true.
So.. hello.. good bye.
Oh.. as well.. I'm going to post a story right now.. just a sort of sample of my writing.. I like feedback.. good and bad. Pure out bashing isn't very nice though.
~Stetched so delicately on this bed that he took me upon, I looked towards the window, eyes rolling towards it serenely. Light crept past the heavy curtains, trailing across my reddened and bruised body. This... this? I let him do that to me, I spoke no words, for I knew what was to come.
At the sound of his movement, I turned my head again, to stare at him. To stare at this boy who took me only weeks ago. Who forced me into degradation. My corrupter, my soulles corrupter. The boy who took my innocence, ripped it so deliciously apart. As he looked at me I smiled, a sadistic little smile creeping across my lips, and he smiled back, a smile so creepy... so scary... but so wonderful that it sent thrills up and down my spine.
I knew then what I was becoming. A sick thing. A sick twisted little thing. That's when I began crying, the smile fading as I realized my position, hands tied above me, strapped tight.
"Don't cry.. you little slut.. those should be tears of joy because I -know- you loved it."
I cried harder, the tears falling because I knew this was true. True... True... Because it was. I was loving it. That's why I was letting it happen, because I liked it. The contradiction inside my mind... that was slowly consuming me so all I could see was the dark side of the world.
"I'm starting to wonder if you need another round. I think you'd like that too. I'd punish you, but I know it wouldn't do any good. You're such a whore."
I looked at him after taking a moment to look away and I spoke to him, my voice cracked, it had been a few hours since I had last been able to get a drink. "You made me this way..."
He grinned.. came close, leaning over me on the bed. He grabbed my hair, pulled my face close to his and laughed at me, chuckled deviously. "Yes... I did didn't I? But no, I didn't make you anyway. I just woke up what was lying on the inside. You're mine now. You know that. You're mine. You're always going to be mine. When I get you pregnant.. you're going to live with me and be my wife and I'm going to destroy you from the inside out until you're this hollow shell, serving me on her hands and knees. Because I HATE you so badly that all I want to do is destroy you."
He twisted my hair in his hand, tighter until it was painful. Then he dropped my head altogether and began untying me.
When I got up.. sore and hurt.. I groaned in pain, and he grinned at me.
I knew what was next.. and it came. Slowly he pulled me tight against him.. hugging me close. "I'm the only one who's going to hurt you ever again.. that's my promise to you. That as long as you're with me... everyone will leave you alone. And only I will cause you this pain that you feel.. Your life will be so much simpler you know. It will be so much easier with you under -my- hand."
I wanted to sit at his feet.. to cuddle against his legs and lay my head upon his knee. That's when it happened.. when I knew everything was changing for me. That's when the dreams became black and white. When life set itself into simplicity. I wanted to be his, I wanted him to decide it all. To tell me what to do. I looked up at him.. through slitted eyes.
"I want it.. only from you."
It shocked him.. it made him stand still and blink. Because.. he had never expected me to say it to him without forcing me to say it. I moved back from him as he let me go.. got dressed.. and began to leave. Listening as he spoke those last words to me... "Good girl... Ask Bennie and Susie to take you home... You're coming home with me from school tomorrow again. Wear what I bought you yesterday."~